I had more blood drawn today. So far my hCG levels were 783 on Thursday and 5,399 today. I have to get more drawn on Wednesday. The crook of my arm is completely black and blue and I don't even care!! The levels look good. Fingers crossed that this continues.
Continuing all my shots, pills, and patches. I have to schedule our first ultrasound for Oct 17, 18, or 19. Hopefully I can get the 17th so Dave can come. If all looks good with the ultrasound, I can get released back to my regular ob/gyn. I can't even fathom this!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
B F P
BIG
FAT
POSITIVE!!
Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! I didn't realize I was holding my breath all day. I had myself so worked up. I cried all the way to school, thinking about how I would feel when they called me to tell us it was negative. I just couldn't face it.
The doctor's office called me around 2p today and said, "We have good news for you! It worked. You are pregnant!" I honestly couldn't comprehend what she said. My head was buzzing. All my life it has been bad news, bad news, bad news. I just couldn't even accept this. I actually came home and used an EPT just to see the words "pregnant" because I've taken a whole lot of those damn things and they always say "not pregnant". Our hcg numbers are high: 783. Ultrasound in 3 more weeks to do a head count. Lots more bloodwork.....like every 3 days for a while. It's good to finally get poked and injected for a REASON this time!
I've been walking on air all afternoon. But, I keep trying to make myself smarten up. This is very early. We have a 20% chance of miscarrying and that is very high. Very scary. I will try not to dwell on that and deal with it if it happens. I need to call the pharmacy and get all my drugs ordered because I have another 12 weeks of it.
We did it!!!!!!!!!!!! (I wish Dave was here. I haven't even been able to talk to him yet. Just sent him a text saying "positive". I'm dying to see him!)
:D
FAT
POSITIVE!!
Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! I didn't realize I was holding my breath all day. I had myself so worked up. I cried all the way to school, thinking about how I would feel when they called me to tell us it was negative. I just couldn't face it.
The doctor's office called me around 2p today and said, "We have good news for you! It worked. You are pregnant!" I honestly couldn't comprehend what she said. My head was buzzing. All my life it has been bad news, bad news, bad news. I just couldn't even accept this. I actually came home and used an EPT just to see the words "pregnant" because I've taken a whole lot of those damn things and they always say "not pregnant". Our hcg numbers are high: 783. Ultrasound in 3 more weeks to do a head count. Lots more bloodwork.....like every 3 days for a while. It's good to finally get poked and injected for a REASON this time!
I've been walking on air all afternoon. But, I keep trying to make myself smarten up. This is very early. We have a 20% chance of miscarrying and that is very high. Very scary. I will try not to dwell on that and deal with it if it happens. I need to call the pharmacy and get all my drugs ordered because I have another 12 weeks of it.
We did it!!!!!!!!!!!! (I wish Dave was here. I haven't even been able to talk to him yet. Just sent him a text saying "positive". I'm dying to see him!)
:D
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I don't want to know anymore!
I'm scared. I don't want that call tomorrow. After suffering through this agonizing LONG 2 weeks, I just want to continue in my ignorant bliss.
I can't do it!
I have spent sleepless hours the last couple of nights wondering if I should test early. Dave says no. Everytime I pick up my bulk pack of EPTs, I decide against it. The reason is: I can't handle a negative. So, I live each test-free day able to believe that I'm pregnant. It's a glorious feeling. In my rational head, I know I should test before I get the call from the doctor tomorrow. I should prepare myself for the worst. I haven't been doing a good job of that. There is just too much on the line for us to lose. So, here I sit, so-sure-I'm-pregnant......waiting for the other shoe to drop. And worst of all, I will be on a field trip with Kindergarten that day. I will be afraid to answer the phone, but I won't be able to not take it either! If it's negative, I just need to get through the day so I can come home to cry out 3 months of shots and surgery and dreams.
If it's positive.....whew......that comes with a whole new set of worries.
Bloodtest Thursday at 8am.....
If it's positive.....whew......that comes with a whole new set of worries.
Bloodtest Thursday at 8am.....
Monday, September 26, 2011
To test or not to test!!
So, during my last IVF, I tested early with an EPT. I'm glad I did, because it prepared me for the doctor's office calling and telling me it was negative.
This time the crazy in me thinks it might be better not to test. If I test and it's negative, I'll still convince myself that the blood test might be positive. This is how the IVF brain works. It sucks more than anything in the world. However, if I don't test, then I will get the news while I am at work on Thursday. This is worse. I don't think I could recover from bad news while I'm at work. Usually I have to cry it out for a day.....have my pity party. Think of all the possibilities that are lost. Think of how pathetic it is that I can't have the family I want. Think of how on earth I'll face going through all this hell again.
What to do?????
This time the crazy in me thinks it might be better not to test. If I test and it's negative, I'll still convince myself that the blood test might be positive. This is how the IVF brain works. It sucks more than anything in the world. However, if I don't test, then I will get the news while I am at work on Thursday. This is worse. I don't think I could recover from bad news while I'm at work. Usually I have to cry it out for a day.....have my pity party. Think of all the possibilities that are lost. Think of how pathetic it is that I can't have the family I want. Think of how on earth I'll face going through all this hell again.
What to do?????
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The final 7 embies
After leaving a message every day for almost a full week, Strong finally let us know that 2 of the 7 embryos made it to blastocysts. They have been frozen. They were rated B4 and B5 which they assure me is excellent. The lab says they have almost a 100% of coming out of the freezing alive. Sooooo.......in case this hellish project doesn't work out, I have that to look forward to again.
Although, this makes me think: If only 2 out of 7 survived in the petri dish. How many of the 2 survived when they were transferred to me? Negative four?? Dave looks at it differently. If most of the ones in the petri dish died, then there's a higher chance of the transferred ones making it.
My butt is bruised and there are large knots where the oil just collects. It hurts like hell still. On top of that, I started getting bouts of nausea all day yesterday. I'd love to say it's because I'm pregnant, but it is just the hormones that I'm taking. They make my body think it's pregnant. This is psychologically bad. I keep trying to tell myself that this isn't going to work. I need to prepare myself for another huge let-down. But, in my brain, I just know it's going to work. The doctor says "prepare for the worst, hope for the best". I'm driving myself insane. Dave says, "Just don't think about it." I could just smack him. I'm jealous that he doesn't have to think about it, since he isn't pumping insane amounts of hormones into his body. He isn't all bloated and uncomfortable all the time.
Speaking of hormones, I'm adding one more drug to my repitoire tomorrow. I will be up to 5 different kinds of pills, patches, injections a day.....some that have to be taken twice a day. It runs my life.
One the bright side, Dave is amazing at giving shots now.
Four more l o n g days to wait.....
Although, this makes me think: If only 2 out of 7 survived in the petri dish. How many of the 2 survived when they were transferred to me? Negative four?? Dave looks at it differently. If most of the ones in the petri dish died, then there's a higher chance of the transferred ones making it.
My butt is bruised and there are large knots where the oil just collects. It hurts like hell still. On top of that, I started getting bouts of nausea all day yesterday. I'd love to say it's because I'm pregnant, but it is just the hormones that I'm taking. They make my body think it's pregnant. This is psychologically bad. I keep trying to tell myself that this isn't going to work. I need to prepare myself for another huge let-down. But, in my brain, I just know it's going to work. The doctor says "prepare for the worst, hope for the best". I'm driving myself insane. Dave says, "Just don't think about it." I could just smack him. I'm jealous that he doesn't have to think about it, since he isn't pumping insane amounts of hormones into his body. He isn't all bloated and uncomfortable all the time.
Speaking of hormones, I'm adding one more drug to my repitoire tomorrow. I will be up to 5 different kinds of pills, patches, injections a day.....some that have to be taken twice a day. It runs my life.
One the bright side, Dave is amazing at giving shots now.
Four more l o n g days to wait.....
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Side Effect City
Ouch, ouch, ouch! My butt hurts like hell from these daily shots. Working with 4, 5, & 6 year olds, I'm starting to notice how often I get the little "tap, tap, tap" on the butt to get my attention! Oww! So, I'm also getting lots of other unpleasant side effects. I'll spare you the gorey details. I'm a hurting, tired, achey, mess, to say the least.
Called Strong Andrology Lab today. They were supposed to call us on Monday to say how many of our embryos made it to blastocysts. Of course, they didn't. What the hell do they care now? They have their money. How do they not know that this is the most important thing in my life right now? I called and left them a message to leave me a message with the results, good or bad. They called and left me a message.....but their message was to call them. And, every single time you call Strong, you never get a person. So, I left another message. I'm getting completely pissed off with them. Again.
Waiting to see what happened with the final "7".....
Called Strong Andrology Lab today. They were supposed to call us on Monday to say how many of our embryos made it to blastocysts. Of course, they didn't. What the hell do they care now? They have their money. How do they not know that this is the most important thing in my life right now? I called and left them a message to leave me a message with the results, good or bad. They called and left me a message.....but their message was to call them. And, every single time you call Strong, you never get a person. So, I left another message. I'm getting completely pissed off with them. Again.
Waiting to see what happened with the final "7".....
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