Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I can't do it!

I have spent sleepless hours the last couple of nights wondering if I should test early.  Dave says no.  Everytime I pick up my bulk pack of EPTs, I decide against it.  The reason is:  I can't handle a negative.  So, I live each test-free day able to believe that I'm pregnant.  It's a glorious feeling.   In my rational head, I know I should test before I get the call from the doctor tomorrow.  I should prepare myself for the worst.  I haven't been doing a good job of that.  There is just too much on the line for us to lose.  So, here I sit, so-sure-I'm-pregnant......waiting for the other shoe to drop.  And worst of all, I will be on a field trip with Kindergarten that day.  I will be afraid to answer the phone, but I won't be able to not take it either!  If it's negative, I just need to get through the day so I can come home to cry out 3 months of shots and surgery and dreams.

If it's positive.....whew......that comes with a whole new set of worries.

Bloodtest Thursday at 8am.....

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